Steve Mercer
I’ve battled with mental health issues my entire life. At times they’ve been manageable, at times they haven’t. I have searched and searched for answers. I’ve been a chef for about 8 years. It has been an incredible journey. I have wonderful memories and I have some terrible memories. The extremes are huge.
The early days as Chef
When I first became a chef I found the kitchen to be a relief from the outside world which at the time was what I was blaming for feeling so bad. I worked as many hours as possible and thrived off the pressure. The kitchen was an exciting place, the one I had seen on TV and I thrived on the adrenaline which came with it. I did well, I rose very quickly and before I knew it was a head chef after only around 2 years of training. I worked harder and harder to make up for my lack of experience. I learnt everything I could and sacrificed everything to make it work. I felt better, my mental health actually felt better.
What I didn’t realise then was that there was no way that this could continue forever. At this point I was working with managers and a team which empowered me. But, of course this came to an end.
When the kitchen became real
Suddenly the expectation I had from others and that I had on myself simply became too much when all of a sudden I had managers who weren’t on my side. They were bullies, they were aggressive, they were selfish. They were doing what they felt they needed to do to succeed. I was an obstacle. My mental strength was no match. I ended up going on to be signed off with stress by a doctor. Due to the stigma, my time in that job was always going to come to an end.
I found a better job, but I was scarred. I’ve never been the same again.
In 2016 my mental health hit the very bottom. I wanted to take my own life and if it wasn’t for the support around me I would have.
Being a chef no longer offered me a break from my own mind. It seemed to make it worse. Aggressive managers and high pressure now simply triggered me to feel anxiety. The buzz of a ticket machine made my stomach flutter and my chest tighten.
I no longer thrived on success, I felt relief at the end of a day if nothing went wrong.
Cooking In Mind was born.
Over the past years I have worked hard to improve my mental health. A combination of a support network, medication and coping mechanisms have made me feel safe again.
However, the professional kitchen is not a safe place for many of us. With this thought, Cooking In Mind was born.
I believe that cooking is one of the most wonderful things to do. How can doing it for a living not be safe? It could be, but it will take a lot of talking and a lot of changes from all parties.
For me to succeed with Cooking In Mind I will have to overcome my own fears and my own anxieties to have this difficult conversation. I believe that by having this conversation we can stop people from working in the kitchen with poor mental health. Starting at the very top.
Steve Mercer 2019